My mom joined me for the trip to Children's Hospital in Birmingham. I didn't sleep much the night before. How could I? Ever since we were told about her cleft 10 months prior, this surgery was the extent of how far ahead I could plan anything. Milestones like starting solids and introducing new foods looked a lot different this time around. Every bottle was such an effort for her to consume; I hadn't struggled to get weight on my first two babies, so this felt completely foreign and at times like yet another area of my life that I was falling vastly short of where I thought I should be. But we were here. Despite the complete & total insanity of the last two months and the struggles of the last year, the day had come.
We checked out of our hotel and checked in at the hospital before the sun was up. The entire facility is such an impressive & well-run establishment, and from our arrival I had about as much peace as one can manage given the circumstances.
Her surgery would take several hours, but the team was excellent at checking in with us throughout. I was so ready for her to be on the other side of this, and so grateful to have my mom beside me. A physician assistant for over 40 years, she's been my source of reassurance and comfort for all things medical my entire life. I've always felt more comfortable with any medical situations knowing I had her input. We talked, looked at funny videos, and I tried to shift my focus to coloring - meditating on the words, finding a rhythm to picking new colors and which blooms to color next.
Finally, we were called back. Thankfully, they prepared us during pre-op that when we were called back it would be into a "small, gray room but that doesn't mean it's bad news". They comfort so many families, day after day, and keeping those details in mind really does make a difference. The plastic surgeon she did great in surgery and we would be able to join her in her room after they got her settled up there. We were able to get a room on the pediatric burn floor, which is where they want their cleft repairs assigned given that the pain levels are comparable to that of the burn victims and the nursing staff is accustomed to managing that level of pain.
We got to our room, and my sweet girl was still sedated. I was so relieved to see that little face again. Since we came home from the hospital after she was born, it was just the two of us in my room most nights. No matter what, I was always able to look over in the middle of the night & see that she was ok. She & I have a kind of "made it through the trenches together" bond that I'm pretty sure will never leave. She was my only baby that I couldn't nurse (because of the cleft), and there were so many nights I would have tears down my cheeks giving her a bottle worrying she wouldn't feel as close of a bond to me. These days, she's my snuggliest kid and quick to move anyone/anything in my lap out of the way so she can back herself into it.
While we were at the hospital, I had to complete a training via Zoom to prepare for a new technique we would be rolling out at the studio. It probably seems odd to do it then, but we knew the baby would sleep a fair amount our first day in the hospital which coincided with an available training date. My other two babies were with dear friends, so it was pretty much the only available time I could have with that much care available for the kids. I set up initially in a quiet area just past the family room on our floor and received a few looks at various points (I was the only person holding a plank & doing squats in the hallway that I could see), but for the most part it seemed that people "got it". A Children's Hospital can be a daunting and simultaneously humbling place to be. So many people with worries, stresses, and concerns of their own, yet it also feels like we all carry an acceptance of the others around us (even the weirdo exercising in a hallway). You are immensely grateful for the blessings you have, and everyone you talk to is not concerned in letting minor things get to them. We all have far more important priorities. The more seasoned families are quick to help a newbie family looking a bit turned around, and we all speak to each other and our children.
About halfway through the training, the group text I had with my mom & our cousin (her first cousin/my second) kept going back & forth and eventually my mom was saying that the baby was awake and a little pitiful, but she didn't want to bother me yet. Welp, not like I can read that and NOT go back to the room. I quickly messaged the trainer (who was already briefed of what I was juggling - the entire training staff had been incredibly supportive & accommodating as everything that transpired had meant a lot of rescheduling, canceling, etc.), scooped up my setup and got back to our room. Thankfully with her next scheduled dose of pain meds and mama snuggles, she quickly settled back down and I completed the instructional/Q&A part of the training nap-trapped and perfectly content to be so.
That evening, my cousin & her husband, who lived in town, stopped by with much-appreciated food and we got to catch up for a little while. My family knew the gist of what was going on at this point, but considering the multitude of twists & turns that continued to pop up, there were still updates to share. As we talked, I got a text from him.
Apparently, as I later found out when reviewing the rental agreements we subpoenaed, he was not the tenant listed on the application & the rental company found out. He worked with a close-knit cast of characters in the last year to pull off his lies:
Trap House rental: listed the business partner as his brother (that caused questions with my attorneys haha. "Wait? His business partner is his brother? We can't find any record of that." "I know - because there is no record of that since it is untrue.") and listed the restaurant manager as his previous landlord (as in, at the house we shared with our children) in case they called for a reference.
New rental in connecting neighborhood: listed the business partner as the tenant, he was on the lease agreement as the business partner's "boss" (even though he currently claimed he sold his stake in the business and was working as a contract employee and cited the business partner as his "landlord"in a later transcript).
Back to what's important: we were told the baby was making wonderful process. She had always been such an easy-going baby that now seeing her in the slightest discomfort seemed out of character. The nurses kept commenting on how great she was doing in comparison to a lot of other cleft repairs post-op. Once we got home, she would feel like she had a really bad pizza burn on the roof of her mouth for about two weeks (which sounds awful to me), and she would have to wear arm splints during those two weeks when she was sleeping (and sometimes awake - like riding in the car when I couldn't have a constant eye on her) to ensure she couldn't put her fingers in the mouth until it was healed. She even ate some baby food before we were discharged, which was a great indicator of how she was tolerating the pain. The generously gifted wagon was perfect when we needed a break from the four walls of our room. We could create a comfy little nest of sorts with the blankets we brought from home, and she could see out and enjoy the change in surroundings. When we were finally discharged a few days later, it was also a huge help transporting everything back to our car...but probably not as exciting of a view for the baby.
We got home just in time for Mother's Day, which definitely looked a lot different but thankfully I had my own mom there. Never fear - SF came through yet again and pulled the kids aside prior to Mother's Day so they could wrap gifts "from the kids" that she had purchased and make cards for me. They were so excited & proud on Mother's Day; there were a lot of very mixed emotions that day, but the memory of their faces as I opened their gifts was definitely a highlight. I did manage to carve out a few minutes of "me time" that night after everyone went to bed.
The next few weeks were a blur of medication schedules, end of the year celebrations, feeding therapies, starting counseling for the kids, and figuring out how we were going to survive. Still waiting for the judge to issue my emergency support from over 2.5 months prior, the kids and I would have lost everything. I was upside-down in a car loan he said we could afford (yes, I should have done my due diligence. We got the car when I was pregnant with the baby, which if you've followed along from the start, you know that I was already entering survival mode in response to his shift), the rental market is insane, my credit was in the toilet apparently, driving a few hours a day back and forth meant my gas bill was through the roof - something had to change. We needed to move, that was clear. I didn't want to uproot the kids any more than necessary, so until I knew what options we had there was no point in a knee-jerk move (nor could I pull off that much upheaval quickly).
The trips to the family center continued. While the baby was recovering, we agreed it best that she stay with me. This sometimes meant finding an hour to kill in a small town 20 minutes away from our house, but we were blessed to find the sweetest coffee shop there. The owners clearly had a heart for Jesus, and with a kids' playroom in the back for their customers, it was a frequent stop on the days they had a scheduled visit. Every staff member we encountered was genuinely warm anytime we were there.
As any future plans hung in limbo, a good friend reached out & asked to start a GoFundMe. While we knew it couldn't be shared publicly, I had approval for it to be shared privately. What else were we supposed to do? I couldn't walk away from the studio - I needed to be there more, if anything. The baby still had a bit of a road ahead of her, which made schedule flexibility a requirement. I started purging and selling items on social media; I knew we would have to move, and it was somewhat cleansing to see items that had been part of my day to day for so long go away. It was so kind of her to set it up, and I was once again humbled by the love we were shown.
Since I've begun sharing our story, I've had people ask about helping or if we had a GoFundMe. I will continue to share our story regardless, but for those who have asked (as I'm learning to say yes to offers of help instead of trying to do it on my own) or feel led, below is the link that my friend set up.
GoFundMe
Thank y'all so much for all of the support thus far. Hearing from so many (that I know and those that I don't) who share their own stories with me and knowing that it is helping others feel less alone has been both heartbreaking and humbling. I pray daily this effort will help someone, and I look forward to more connections in the future.
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